Jesus Christ, Isreal!

you bombed the fucking UN! youre really wearing your good will thin. with me, its pretty much gone. i realize that you have the right to exist, but killing a thousand Palestinians and setting a UN compound on fire have really put a dent in your standing. not just in the Arab world. i really think its time for the US to reassess our unwavering support of Israel.

this whole Judeo-Christian vs Arab battle thats been raging since the beginning of time (1982, when i was born, i mean, thats all i know) is really getting rather old. i feel like we in the west have given Israel a blank check of good will. i think its time to cap that withdraw. sit Israel down and have a nice chat with them.

"listen man, you know i like you. i think you provide a good balance to the neighborhood. but youve got to stop pissing off the neighbors. i mean, youve blockaded the bodega, they cant get even get some doritos. they have to have their friends buy em and sneak em in for them. then, when they get pissed off about the inflated dorito prices and isolation and throw eggs on your house, you totally flip out and throw moltov cocktails at em. and now even that goofy asian dude, that guy on the corner who likes every one and tries to get people together, is pissed at you. who can blame him? you even set his house of fire. you need to back off the rhetoric, put the gas can back in the garage, start treating your neighbors like neighbors, and apologize like hell to that asian dude and the rest of the neighborhood. i mean, they were ready to just accept you being there six months ago as long as you quit being so much of a prick. and im not saying that their insults and egg throwing help, but you need to figure out a way to live together, or you might just die together. chill out dude. maybe go visit your aunt in NYC for a week, clear your mind. we all know youre in for the long haul, so you might as well try to be a good neighbor. man, no one wants to live like this. and ill talk to the neighbors, see what i can do to get them off your back a little. weve all got to just live and let live. lets all just quit being ass holes. i mean, isnt that part of what great grandad told all of us. maybe he said it in different words, but we all got the gist back then. come on man, were all in this together."

feel free to use that, Secretary Clinton. you know, just say, my friend dano helped me prepare for the negotiations. and really, wouldnt a little verbal smack around on Israel not only make them back off, but show some good will to the neighbors, who weve either ignored or told to pound sand? but what do i know, its not like Jews, Arabs, and Christians all lived within a few miles of eachother where im from. oh, wait, they did. i actually went to high school with all of the above.