the why

i have figured out, i think, why it is i have never felt like i fit in on the east coast. perhaps the east coast is too broad. its why i dont fit in in DC.

this place is so career oriented. so materially oriented. i am not so much. i have never really worried about doing well professionally and have never been all that driven to be the best. i have always know that i am smart enough to make it work and that i dont need millions to be happy. my happiness has never come from money. i dont discount that you need a modicum of income in order to avoid certain woes. call me a fool, but that has never concerned me. i have never been afraid to work hard, dont mistake that, but i dont feel the need to have a showy house and car.

in my young adult life my dreams have never been of riches, but of love and life. the professional world is a means to an end. money and therefore an occupation are necessary evils, but something that has not been of much trouble. perhaps i am naive, but ive been laid off, ive had troubles finding work, but i have come through. that which eludes me is that which i care most about, but perhaps thats just the way it is. the grass is always greener on the other side, right.

what my life lacks is not money, tho i am not rich. it is love, tho i am not unloved. its that i pick up the phone to find something to do, and find that i lack many good friends (locally) and that i have a knack for finding dead ends in the dating world. i seem to have trouble in this money oriented world finding kindred spirits who care to talk about books or music or politics in a meaningful way. or just to shoot the shit, to ponder people's follies, to drink beer and play darts.

its frustrating to keep coming up empty. its frustrating to write blogs about stuff that captures my interest because i dont have a local friend to talk about it with. and its disappointing when no one argues with me about it or tells me how right i am. an i continue to wonder what it is about michigan that in this place my closest friends all hail from that state. and i continue to hope that things turn around there, and i can find my golden ticket back home. it would be nice to be proven wrong. that there are people here on my wavelength. but if they do exist, i dont know them.